SPRING

Just a quick little post because it's Spring and that makes me happy. Why does it make me happy? Because it's a promise of summer. AND BECAUSE FLOWERS.

So let's get outside and hug a tree or plant a flower or just enjoy the beauty of nature. (If you are in prison or work or something like that maybe just draw a picture of a tree)

Regardless of your political and/or religioius beliefs, I think that we can all agree that we can do more to take care of our planet. So let's all put forth a little extra effort to do things that are good for mother nature and probably good for us. And be cool to other humans.

Getting Help

I'm starting this post out with a disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional and have never claimed to be such. I am only speaking from my own experience. I'm sure that some of you reading this think - Well I've had more experience with this than you, dumb blonde! And I'm sure you have, but this is MY blog, so I am going from MY experience. Or you may say - You are completely wrong about everything, you dumb blonde! Of course you can have your own opinion, I'm all for that, but if you comment disagreeing with me, just keep it clean. Also, I prefer "Nonsensical flaxen haired vixen" to dumb blonde. ;)

Woah! That was way intense. But now onto the actual post:

I have had many many people ask me, "When do you know if you need to get help?" I always respond with the same answer, "If you even think that you need help, you probably need help." But let's break that question down a little bit, because really - my answer is a little vague.

First of all 'help' has a very broad range. It can vary from talking to your friend, to seeing a psychiatrist, to going to the ER. If you call a medical clinic or hospital you will hear something like, "If this is a life threatening emergency please hang up and dial 9-1-1 or go to the ER." Same rule applies here. If you really feel like your life is a risk, get immediate help. Please.

Now that we have the scariest one crossed off of the list, let's move on. (phew!)

Because this is a heavy topic I'm going to add cute pictures of baby animals to keep it light.

The simplest, and often time hardest step, is to tell someone how you are feeling. Obviously it has to be somebody that you trust. It also needs to be somebody that will give you GOOD advise. (The homeless guy on the corner selling used water bottles may be a snappy dresser, but probably don't go to him for life advise) Go to somebody that has their own life in order and that you know will be confident with the information you share. 

Sometimes sharing your information with a trusted friend is enough for you. You just needed to get that information out of your head and then you can move on. 

But sometimes this isn't enough and it doesn't really help with how you are feeling/functioning in your life. And that's OKAY. But now is probably the time to talk to a professional. Now don't freak out if this is what you need to do. 15 million people seek out professional counseling every year and benefit from it. It doesn't mean you are crazy sauce. A lot of people get help and here are some of the main reasons people do - if you get overwhelmed with something in your life, after a loss, can't handle your stress or anxiety, overcoming addiction, gain mental clarity, family and relationship issues, depression, phobias, eating disorders, etc.

SALAD YUM!

Choosing a provider can be a little overwhelming. Where do you even start??? Here is where you even start- Do you have insurance? If you do, there will be a number on the back of your card that you can call and they will give you a list of providers in your area that are covered, or often times you can go online and get the same list. Now you can choose at random one of those from the list, or you can do a little research online or calling each providers office to get more information. 

If you don't have insurance, or if mental health is not a benefit covered by your insurance, you need to look at your budget and see what you can afford to pay each month to get help. If you can pay out of pocket, then just do some research by asking friends, going online, or calling around. If  you can't afford to pay very much, there are programs that can help you pay, or in most communities there are centers that will have counselors who volunteer so you don't have to pay as much. Also look into any groups you are with to see if they can help. Schools have counseling services and some workplaces will have them too. Church groups will often help with expenses, or help to just point you in the right direction. Don't give up immediately if you don't have the money. There are many services that are willing to help.

If you start going to counseling you have to keep a few things in mind: The first time you meet with this person it is more than likely going to be awkward and just feel weird. Well, what did you expect? You are meeting with a stranger and talking about the intimate details of your life! In my experience, it takes 2-4 sessions to feel comfortable. Also, the first person (or first 4) that you meet with might not be the right fit for you. And that's OKAY. Don't give up yet. :)

Cute little buddy hiding in his tube. 

A good counselor will be a good listener (I feel like this one is a given, but I'm listing it just in case) and will help you come up with a plan to be feeling normal again. The counselor that I am seeing right now gives me homework when I leave. (This is one of the very few instances that homework isn't thee very worst thing in the world because it helps me feel good) But I have also seen counselors (that I really liked and really helped me) that are more subtle about my 'homework'. I once had a counselor where he would say something and it would hit me 4 days later how profound and perfect it was, and I would learn and grow from that. So there are many different styles of counseling, you just have to find the one that best fits you and your life. 

Sometimes seeing a counselor and having them help you come up with a plan to normalcy is enough for you and you just have to see them for a few months or a little bit longer and you can move on from there. :)

Sometimes you still feel poopy after counseling and it hasn't helped your general mood, even if it has helped you figure out some important things in your life. And that's OKAY. But now your counselor or doctor may recommend medications. If your religion is against these kind of medications, or if you have really done the research and you believe that they are wrong, then of course no one is holding a gun to your head making you take them. But, if your neighbor down the road said that he thinks they are un-American and that's why you are refusing, I would recommend doing a little more research on the subject. Millions of people take medications every year that really do benefit them.

I love lions more than anything.

If you do choose to follow the recommendations of your counselor or doctor and take medications, talk to your doctor about how long he/she plans on you taking them. With some medications they will have you take them for a short time and then you will go off of them. With some medications you will need to take them longer, even taking some for the rest of your life. And that's OKAY. There may also be side-effects when you first start taking it. Often times these will go away within a few days to a few weeks. And you may need to take more or less during different parts of the year. More people are on antidepressants during the winter than they are during the summer, and more people take them in Seattle than Phoenix. 

Medications aren't the only other thing that can help besides therapy either. Talk to your doctor or counselor (and when I say counselor that includes ALL mental health professionals) about your other options. 

Meow meow meow

Your story may not even happen in this order. I know a lot of people who have gone to their doctor for symptoms like, being tired all of the time, loss of interest, and weight loss and the doctor prescribes them an antidepressant and then they go to therapy. It doesn't really matter how it happens, as long as  you get the help you need.

Tips if you are a friend of somebody that you think needs help, or is going through this process: 

Don't be judgmental - nobody likes that person. Just be supportive and show your love for them. Don't say things like, "Well just stop feeling that way," or "Other people have it worse." Obviously they would stop feeling that way if they could. And they are fully aware of how people have things worse than them, it doesn't make what they are going through any less worse - it just makes them feel more guilty. Once again, just be supportive and show your love for them. 

I really hope that this post will help some of you. I really do love you all and hope you are having a great day. Comment to show your love for people trying to be brave enough to get help.

Dressing for your body

In my life - and especially in the workplace - I often get asked the question, "Do looks really matter?" Now I always respond with "Yes, of course they matter," but I never really had any hard proof to back me up. So I did the research and many studies and statistics give a resounding YES! Studies show that you make and gain a first impression within 7 seconds of meeting somebody. 7 seconds! . In 1990 researcher Mary Lynn Damhorst conducted an analysis to determine the kind of information that was communicated by dress; she found that in the majority of the studies (81%), the content of the information communicated by dress was competence, power, intelligence, character, sociability, and mood.


Just in case you didn't catch that - within 7 seconds of meeting someone, 81% of the information you use to create a first impression is based solely on dress. That's crazy!


And not only do looks matter when meeting other people, there are studies upon studies of how your look affects your behavior. I saw research where they studied people in the workplace, and the people that put forth the effort to look good that day actually had a faster typing rate, learned and retained information better, and had better communication and social skills.


I could go on and on as to reasons why you should choose to look good... but this post is going to be long enough anyways. So just trust me. (Also sorry for all of the boring facts and figures - on to the fun stuff!) Now that you know the importance of dressing well, how do we go about doing it?


First things first - you have to know your body type and embrace your body type. You need to dress for the body you have, not the body you want. So take a minute to give yourself a hug and love yourself. Awww!



This picture shows how dressing correctly for your body really helps you look better.


There are 5 main body types: Pear, Inverted Triangle, Rectangle, Apple, Hourglass. Notice that there is not a type for plus size or petite, or tall or short. You can have every body size in every body shape. And I really want you guys to know that if you read a rule about your body type, and you know that you have a piece of clothing that breaks that rule but you look amazing in it, THEN WEAR IT! Confidence is HUGE when it comes to dressing and how you look. As long as you feel great in what you are wearing, you will look great. :) Just try to have fun with it.

Also, as you read through these if you are still confused on what body type your are, here is a link that will help you figure it out -

On to how to dress!

Pear!

• Just like the shape of a pear, you are larger on the bottom half of your body.
• If you gain weight you typically gain it in the thigh-to-hip-area first.
• Your upper body is smaller including smaller breasts and shoulders.

Because you are larger on your bottom half, we are going to try to emphasize the smaller upper half of your body. You aren't going to want to add more volume to parts of your body that already have enough volume and you are going to want to draw the eye to the smallest parts. You are also probably wanting to even out your body. How do we do that? Here's how!



Do:

• A-line skirts
• Bootleg or wide-leg pants
• Light colors on top and dark colors on bottom (dark draws your eye away, and lights draw your eye towards)
• Boat, square, and cowl necklines
• Big chunky fun necklaces and scarves (this will add more volume and draw your eye to your upper body)
• Jackets that hit right above the waist (so as to not add volume to your hips)

Don't:

• Skin-tight skinny jeans
• Ruffled skirts or pants
• Big chunky bracelets (this will draw the eye to your lower body)

Inverted Triangle!

• The opposite of the Pear, you are larger on the upper half of your body.
• When you gain weight you typically gain it in your arms and chest.
• Your lower body is smaller including a smaller butt and thighs.

Because you are larger on your upper half, we are going to try to emphasize the smaller lower half of your body. You aren't going to want to add more volume to parts of your body that already have enough volume and you are going to want to draw the eye to the smallest parts. You are also probably wanting to even out your body. How do we do that? Here's how!

Do:

• Full skirts with lots of volume (think a flirty, twirly skirt)
• Skinny or wide leg pants (just make sure to balance out your top with whichever you are wearing)
• Blouses and tops that have a waistline
• High waist-ed pants and skirts (you are one of the body types that can really rock this style)
• Dresses with a cinched waist
• Fun chunky bracelets (drawing the eye to your smaller lower body)

Don't:

• Boat and crowl neck tops
• Tops that are ruffled or have a lot of appliques
• Shoulder pads (you don't want to add more volume to the biggest part of your body)
• Bulky scarves and necklaces

Rectangle!

• Your bust, waist, and hips all have generally the same measurements.
• Your smaller arms and legs are your assets.

Because your body has generally the same measurements, we are going to emphasize your smaller legs and arms and create curves using clothing. Just like with any body shape, the Rectangle can be very athletic or plus size or anything in between, but we are going to make you look just as feminine as those shapes with more curves. How do we do that? Here's how!


Do:

• Scoop neck and sweetheart necklines (to add a feminine curve)
• Longer jackets that go to or past the hip
• Collars, ruffles or gathering on chest
• Layer clothing (you can afford to add some volume)
• Dresses with cinched waists
• Skinny and boot cut jeans
• Peplum tops and dresses

Don't:

• Box-y shirts
• Unevenly distribute volume (you can make yourself look like a pear or inverted triangle if you don't do it correctly)
• Clothing that is saggy on parts of your body (your butt or bust)

An extra tip: Androgynous style (clothing that seems like it can be worn on a man or woman) can look really great on the Rectangle. Just keep it feminine with colors, patterns, and jewelry.

Apple!

• You have a larger upper half of your body, including more weight in your stomach.
• When you gain weight you typically gain it in your stomach, chest or arms.
• Your hips, thighs, and legs are the smallest part of your body.

Because you are larger on your upper half, we are going to try to emphasize the smaller lower half of your body. You aren't going to want to add more volume to parts of your body that already have enough volume and you are going to want to draw the eye to the smallest parts. You are also probably wanting to even out your body. How do we do that? Here's how!


Do:

• 'V' necks
• Dresses with an empire waist (let the fabric drape over the largest part of your body rather than hug it)
• Bootcut and flared jeans
• Dark on top and light on bottom (dark draws the eye away and light draws the eye towards)
• Fun chunky bracelets
• Gathering on stomach
• Drop waist dress (Think Great Gatsby! You are a body type that really pulls of this style)

Don't:

• Blouses and tops with ruffles
• Really tight tops
• Bulky scarves, necklaces
• Shoulder pads

Hourglass!

• Your hip and bust measurements are relatively the same and your waist measurement is smaller.
• You typically gain weight in your chest and butt before anywhere else.
• The smallest part of your body is your waist.

Because your largest parts are your bust and hip, you are going to want to emphasize your smallest part, which is your waist. You are going to want to accentuate your body without going over-board.

Do:

• Dresses with cinched waists or belted
• Skinny or straight jeans
• Jackets that come down to your hip
• Scoop neck, or cowl neckline
• Structured pieces
• Keep it simple

Don't:

• Baggy clothing (this will hide your smallest part, your waist, and only show the largest parts)
• Bulky fabrics
• Wear skin tight all of the time (this can be fine for going out at night, but it's not appropriate for the work place)

Tips for looking taller:

• Stay away from horizontal lines as these will cut you off.
• A pointed toe shoe will elongate your legs
• Clothes that are too long for you will make you look shorter. Keep your clothes tailored.
• Vertical lines will elongate your body.

Tips for looking thinner:

• Like we said with each of the body shapes, emphasize your smallest part(s).
• Although you may feel smaller in clothing that is too big for you, you actually end up looking bigger. Wear the correct size for your body.
• Wearing dark on a body part you don't love (for me it's my thighs) will draw the eye AWAY from that area. Then wear a light or bright color on a body part you love and that will draw the eye TO that area.

The most important thing for any of these body shapes is to have fun with what you are wearing. Mix things up! Take a little extra time in the morning to make sure that what you are wearing REALLY looks good on your body. If it doesn't, see if there are some simple changes you can make that will make a difference.


I hope that this post has helped some of you out there. If you are still confused or have any questions go ahead and email me. I am also willing to help by going through your closet with you and showing you how to put pieces together in a way that looks best on you. Once again, just email me and we will talk about specifics. (Reminder that if you were in the class I taught about this on 04/10/14, I will do this for free for you.)

Go ahead and comment with any stories, extra tips, or if you think that I am completely wrong and am burning years of work that feminists have done. (Side note - I do consider myself a feminist in most regards, I just also think that you can look good while doing it. I'm a lipstick feminist)

Also I will be doing a post on How to Dress for Success probably next week and another one on something else between then and now (if there is something in particular that you want to see, let me know. Especially you dudes because I know that this post is very geared towards womens). Have such a fabulous day!

Keeping up with the Jones'

When I was younger, I HATED my older and younger brothers and I fought quite a bit with my twin. Older people would always say things like, "When you get older you will all be friends." and I would laugh because I knew that they were so wrong. While I did know that I would always be best friends with my twin (we don't even really have a choice), there was no way that I would ever be friends with my stinky, mean, disgusting brothers.

Now we are all grown up and live all over the world. Spread out all over the continents - never have we been further apart. We have every excuse in the book to never communicate with each other and just live distant lives. But - we are actually all best friends. (I already got the "I told you so!" years ago so don't say it again now. haha) It's interesting to me how it happened. We didn't just all grow up and then decide that it was time to be friends. We each had to get to know each other again, and it happened slowly over time. Because we are all so spread out, Facebook and other things like it have been really beneficial to us. In fact, it's really what brought us all back together. It's even how I have gotten to know my in-laws better and I'm really glad about that because, once again, they both live really far away.

Last year we all got together at a beach house in North Carolina and it was the best vacation I have ever had. It wasn't the most luxurious or adventurous, but it's my happy place that I go to in my mind. I would say that it's because I'm surrounded by the people I love, but I have been on vacations that fit that criteria and it wasn't the same. I don't even know how to explain it... it was magical. (I realize how puke-y that comment is and I'm still not changing it.)

We are doing it again this June and although not all of us can make it this time, I'm still really really really excited.  It's one of my biggest lilly-pads. (click here to see what I'm talking about) And I'm even bringing my boyfriend this time! Should we take bets on how long it takes until one of my brothers kills him? hahaha Just kidding Ryan! (kind of) haha

While my brothers are still kind of snot-nosed-meanies, I now see the humor in it. And weirdly enough, the same brother that set the couch on fire that my twin sister and I were laying on when we were babies, is the one that everybody says I am the most like. And my little brother who had been estranged from everyone for years, is now just as close with everybody as I am.

While we still fight (especially me and my twin), at the end of the day we will ALWAYS have each other's backs. We would each fight and kill for each other and are there to listen to each others problems. We are definitely not a perfect family, but I wouldn't trade these idiots for anything.

Go ahead and comment and share your favorite memory with either your family or friends. OR Just tell me one of your favorite vacations!

Black is the new Black

For my first fashion post I decided to start with my basic - black.

My favorite color ya'll

And by basic I don't mean unsophisticated. I mean that it feels like going home, or that it's something I can always rely on to feel comfortable, chic, and put together. Yohji Yamamoto said it perfectly -"Black is modest and arrogant at the same time. Black is lazy and easy - but mysterious." And if there is anything about me that you need to know, it's that I am lazy and mysterious. hahaha Just kidding.

I did a little research on the psychological properties of the color black. Black is powerful (sometimes intimidating), it communicates sophistication, it creates a perception of weight and seriousness, and implies self-control and discipline. (Do I sound like a boss yet?) But I REALLY don't think that I come off as intimidating. I don't think I could if I tried. haha I just like black, okay?

Happy Happy Happy

But black being my favorite color does not mean that I am depressed and/or angry all the time. It actually makes me really happy to wear black. This sounds weird - but when I wear black I feel like I am wearing a hug all day. So don't worry if you see me wearing all-black-all-the-time, because I am actually wearing all-hugs-all-the-time! And my cutie friend Ashlee agrees with me. She says, and I quote, ""Wearing black is something that makes me feel good. Black just fits and looks good on any day. - But really though." Obviously she's pretty darn cool. 

Need anymore reasons to wear black? Johnny Cash did it. So does Mary-Kate and Ashley. It can cause you to blend in or stand out. It's figure flattering on every skin tone. It's a neutral that can go with ANY other color. (I challenge you to find a color that doesn't look fab with it) Like Karl Lagerfeld said, "One is never overdressed or under-dressed in a little black dress." And Coco Chanel said, "Women think of all colors except the absence of color. I have said black has it all. White too. Their beauty is absolute. It is the perfect harmony." If Karl and Coco say it's okay, it's REALLY okay.

 

But you are probably asking yourself, "WHY DO I CARE THAT YOU WEAR BLACK?". And to that I say, "Okay, calm down. There is really no need to yell here, I can hear you just fine." I'm waiting for an apology now but you've had a rather frustrating day so you just can't do that.
Luckily I am empathetic and I am moving on. The reason that you might care a little bit is because I have had a lot of people tell me that my attitude (depression) would cheer up if my wardrobe would cheer up. And that's just not the case with me. 

Black makes me happy. Plain and simple.

So I am telling you to do what makes you happy. Regardless of everybody's misconceptions are about what makes you happy, just do it anyways. (As long as you are doing safe things. You might say that knife fights make you happy but you should in no way compare that to my long-black-fringed-kimono-vest that makes me feel like a million bucks.) So if clowns genuinely make you happy and don't scare your pants off - then buy the clown coloring book. Or if castles are your absolute favorite things and you have the means to build one (complete with a moat and door/bridge) then by all means, build that sucker. (And then invite me over because I want to see it.)

I mean, come summertime I probably won't be wearing black as often because my summer clothes are not as dark as my winter clothes. (Although I do have dreams of a giant vat of black RIT dye and throwing all my clothes and inhibitions in there...) But - summertime is my most comfortable season anyways. 

 

And don't mind that I'm not smiling in hardly any of these pictures.... there was a lot going on that day. haha 

Revamp (but no vampires)

I have been thinking a lot about starting up my blog again, but I knew that I wanted to do it differently this time... So I have completely revamped my blog with a different look and feel.  I want to focus more on EVERY aspect of my life rather than just my depression and anxiety. As I have said many times, your depression and anxiety (and etc.) does not define you. And I feel like with the way my blog was going, I was heavily defining myself as such. But there are so many more things about me and so many other sides to me, I like to think that I am a well rounded character. The people in real-life (not just blog-life) know that I am very into fashion. My close friends know that I am very into food (particularly pizza). My fellow nerds know that I am very very into Harry Potter (I am a great person to nerd-out with about this).
I have seen some statistics that show that blogs do better when they are focused in a general area, but I'm not here to make my blog super successful... I'm here to show you how normal (and sometimes awesome) a post-suicidal life can be.

So here is the cliff-notes version of my life since the last time I posted - which was admittedly ions ago.

• I am still together, and very happy with, my boyfriend Ryan. I made extravagant Valentine's Day plans that did not go as planned and I cried. But we still had a great weekend and he didn't even break up with me. (That was my anxiety jumping to the worst conclusion)
• I am still working at my place of employment and I really love it. My coworkers are great and always keep a smile on my face. 
• Still living with my grandparents and I am currently without a car. Losers unite! (Don't worry I'm just waiting to hear back on my car loan and then I will cruise the 'vard again)
•  I have lost 7 pounds since November. I am working hard to eat healthy and exercise regularly and I feel great (usually) because of it. 
• My twin sister is visiting from Germany and I couldn't be happier about it. 

The next post that I am going to do (shortly) is going to be fashion-focused. I haven't quite decided what I want it to be more than that because I have lots of ideas jumbling in my head, so if you want to see anything in particular PLEASE comment. Or email. Or text. Or homing pigeon.

I honestly hope that all of your lives are going excellently, and that you are having a rad day/night. Stay cool.