Everybody loves to laugh. It's just a fact. A lovely one. Sometimes I find I have a hard time making myself laugh - but - there is something that will pretty much always make me laugh. It's this terrible picture of a really stupid cat. Even thinking about it is making me laugh right now. You will look at it and say, that is the stupidest picture that I have ever seen, why on earth does that make her laugh? I have no idea why. I just know that it does so I go with it. I'm just sharing it on the rare chance that it will make one of you laugh. Or even just smile.
Here goes nothing:
http://polarbellz.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Washington
It's been far too long since I have posted anything on here.
I'm not even sure what to say or where to begin.
I am doing much, much better.
But I still have so far to go.
I have become more comfortable with sharing my story.
And people have only responded in the best of ways so far.
I still wear long sleeves all of the time. But it's a lot more comfortable because it's freezing outside.
I'm learning to deal with my anxiety. And my depression has subsided significantly.
But to be honest it's still hard to deal with the day to day.
My scars are a constant reminder of what I have done and where I have been.
But they are also a great reminder of how far I have come.
I'm proud of myself.
I would love to hear what you think, any questions or comments you have, or even just a random story.
Share with me.
What would you like my next post to focus on?
I promise to be better at posting more.
I'm not even sure what to say or where to begin.
I am doing much, much better.
But I still have so far to go.
I have become more comfortable with sharing my story.
And people have only responded in the best of ways so far.
I still wear long sleeves all of the time. But it's a lot more comfortable because it's freezing outside.
I'm learning to deal with my anxiety. And my depression has subsided significantly.
But to be honest it's still hard to deal with the day to day.
My scars are a constant reminder of what I have done and where I have been.
But they are also a great reminder of how far I have come.
I'm proud of myself.
I would love to hear what you think, any questions or comments you have, or even just a random story.
Share with me.
What would you like my next post to focus on?
I promise to be better at posting more.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Long time.
So I realize that I haven't posted in quite a while. A lot has happened since I last posted. A lot of big changes in my life that I am truly hoping are for the better. I am moving up to Washington state for a while. I am hoping that this move is just going to be a great thing.
In this process I have felt overwhelmed, sad, angry, nervous, melancholy, and frustrated. But I have also felt excited, happy, loved, supported, and peaceful. I have realized that this is probably the best thing for me and I am trying to be positive which is admittedly hard sometimes. I've been needing a change in my life I think.
I have had good days and bad days but all in all I know that I am slowly getting better. It's a work in process. I am fortunate to have all of the support that I have.
I must admit to all of you that this recovery process feels like a giant waste of time sometimes. Just a big chunk of my life where I'm not achieving much. So I wrote down all of my short term goals to help me get through this time with out feeling like a failure. I suggest you do the same thing or just write the positives down of something that you may not want to do. I find that it helps tremendously.
Well I 'm sorry that it is such a short post for having been such a long time since I last posted. I'll try to be better at it.
Let me know how you are doing too.
In this process I have felt overwhelmed, sad, angry, nervous, melancholy, and frustrated. But I have also felt excited, happy, loved, supported, and peaceful. I have realized that this is probably the best thing for me and I am trying to be positive which is admittedly hard sometimes. I've been needing a change in my life I think.
I have had good days and bad days but all in all I know that I am slowly getting better. It's a work in process. I am fortunate to have all of the support that I have.
I must admit to all of you that this recovery process feels like a giant waste of time sometimes. Just a big chunk of my life where I'm not achieving much. So I wrote down all of my short term goals to help me get through this time with out feeling like a failure. I suggest you do the same thing or just write the positives down of something that you may not want to do. I find that it helps tremendously.
Well I 'm sorry that it is such a short post for having been such a long time since I last posted. I'll try to be better at it.
Let me know how you are doing too.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Trampoline
So I have some good news to share. I have started to feel the medicine start working in me. Some of the cloud has dissipated. I know that the medicine isn't a cure all - heal all, but it gives me hope that it is helping. I'm not sure if the dosage is strong enough... but I need to let it build up in my system a bit more before we change anything.
It's sort of hard to explain exactly how I feel the medicine working. It's sort of hard to explain depression in the first place. So let me start there.
Depression is having no control over feeling sad, unmotivated, and tired. As much as you want to get up and go and do everything that you want to, you just can't. It's like when you first wake up in the morning and you try to make a strong fist, no matter how hard you try you can't do it. As much as you want it, it just won't happen. And it's so frustrating.
So the way I feel the medicine start to working.... It's like when you have the flu. You really don't want to do anything, let alone jump on a trampoline. But then you start to get better and you can do more things, but you still can't jump on a trampoline without your head pounding. That's where I'm at. I'm getting better, but no trampolines for me. Does that make any sense?
On a side note I would just like to say how happy I am that my chemical imbalance isn't one that I want to hurt other people. When I saw the news about what happened in Colorado at the Batman premier, I felt terrible for those people, and then I realized how fortunate I am that I am not facing the same demons that that man is.
Let me know if you have any other questions about depression or anxiety or my personal struggle with it.
Peace and Love
It's sort of hard to explain exactly how I feel the medicine working. It's sort of hard to explain depression in the first place. So let me start there.
Depression is having no control over feeling sad, unmotivated, and tired. As much as you want to get up and go and do everything that you want to, you just can't. It's like when you first wake up in the morning and you try to make a strong fist, no matter how hard you try you can't do it. As much as you want it, it just won't happen. And it's so frustrating.
So the way I feel the medicine start to working.... It's like when you have the flu. You really don't want to do anything, let alone jump on a trampoline. But then you start to get better and you can do more things, but you still can't jump on a trampoline without your head pounding. That's where I'm at. I'm getting better, but no trampolines for me. Does that make any sense?
On a side note I would just like to say how happy I am that my chemical imbalance isn't one that I want to hurt other people. When I saw the news about what happened in Colorado at the Batman premier, I felt terrible for those people, and then I realized how fortunate I am that I am not facing the same demons that that man is.
Let me know if you have any other questions about depression or anxiety or my personal struggle with it.
Peace and Love
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Labels
Sometimes it's really easy to get caught up in the fact that you have depression or anxiety. It's easy to let the disease become you.
Well I am here to proudly say, that I am not depression. I am not anxiety. I am so much more.
Just by making this blog I have placed a giant label on myself that says DEPRESSED. But guess what? That's not me. That's just a sickness I have. That's just my brain pumping out the wrong chemicals. Want to know who I really am?
Well I am here to proudly say, that I am not depression. I am not anxiety. I am so much more.
Just by making this blog I have placed a giant label on myself that says DEPRESSED. But guess what? That's not me. That's just a sickness I have. That's just my brain pumping out the wrong chemicals. Want to know who I really am?
I am Samara. I am kind, hard-working, loyal, smart, and loving. I enjoy painting and reading and anything outdoors. I love to go on adventures. I write poetry sometimes. And sometimes it's even good when other people help me. I think that I'm funny. (I'm that terrible person that laughs at all of my own jokes.)
And you are so much more than your faults and weaknesses. You are a wonderful person!
Write down who you REALLY are and leave it in a comment. Help me help other people by helping yourself. (Did that even make any sense?? Probably not. Oh well. Just comment.)
This is also who I am:
A Fourth of July Lover
A twin
A Ukrainian
A Gypsy
An Awesome Sibling
An Artist (kind of)
A Best Friend
A Fun-Lover
(I also have obviously had about a million hair styles in the past. Just don't worry about it.)
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Paintings
Rainy Day Always
Mask
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Fam
My dear family and friends,
If my making this blog has offended anyone, let me apologize. It was a very big decision for me to make this blog and to publicize it, but I feel that it was a good decision. The biggest reason I made this blog is to help other people. If I can help just one person with this blog, it was all worth it.
If you found out about my depression and anxiety through this blog and you feel I should have told you in person first, I truly apologize. I didn't mean it personally. You must understand that this is a very hard thing to talk about.
If you suffer from depression and anxiety and you feel uncomfortable with me being so forward, that's okay. It's a big step for me to take and I understand if you don't get why I am doing it.
If you are concerned that I am making this blog too soon or am being too honest with people about what I'm going through, that's okay. It's a very scary thing. Once again though, I feel like this was the right decision.
I just want to HELP people. It's possible that this was the wrong way to do it, but that's something I have to find out for myself. The positive feedback that I have gotten from people has already helped me. My readers are great!
My next challenge, I'm going write a poem to my family and friends that have helped me out through everything. I challenge you to do the same and share it with me!
Peace and Love.
If my making this blog has offended anyone, let me apologize. It was a very big decision for me to make this blog and to publicize it, but I feel that it was a good decision. The biggest reason I made this blog is to help other people. If I can help just one person with this blog, it was all worth it.
If you found out about my depression and anxiety through this blog and you feel I should have told you in person first, I truly apologize. I didn't mean it personally. You must understand that this is a very hard thing to talk about.
If you suffer from depression and anxiety and you feel uncomfortable with me being so forward, that's okay. It's a big step for me to take and I understand if you don't get why I am doing it.
If you are concerned that I am making this blog too soon or am being too honest with people about what I'm going through, that's okay. It's a very scary thing. Once again though, I feel like this was the right decision.
I just want to HELP people. It's possible that this was the wrong way to do it, but that's something I have to find out for myself. The positive feedback that I have gotten from people has already helped me. My readers are great!
My next challenge, I'm going write a poem to my family and friends that have helped me out through everything. I challenge you to do the same and share it with me!
Peace and Love.
Friday, July 13, 2012
A Poem
Scars healing correctly require patience on my part.
The sun is beaming on my back, frost is on my heart.
Like a bud through fresh new earth, I am starting o're.
With the help of other roots, I'll grow strong once more.
The sun is beaming on my back, frost is on my heart.
Like a bud through fresh new earth, I am starting o're.
With the help of other roots, I'll grow strong once more.
Anxiety
So now to talk about one of my least favorite things: Anxiety.
I'm not even sure where to begin. It's beyond frustrating. Sometimes I will get anxiety about the dumbest things, like going to the gym. My heart will race, my hands will shake, and I will just NOT want to go. For absolutely no reason other than my anxiety!! That is what is so frustrating. Having no control over it.
I wish that anxiety was something tangible so that I could just crush it in my hands. But no. It's a chemical in my brain so I just have to figure out the right medicine to fix it. Aka - I have to have patience. Ugh! I'm not a super patient person so this is a struggle for me. Wish me luck.
On a side note, I have started painting what anxiety and depression feel like. I will try to get picture up the next time I post.
Another side note - thank you all that have read so far. You are completely supportive and positive and it helps so much. You give me courage. I was afraid when I was making this blog that I would be judged but you guys are just great. :)
I'm not even sure where to begin. It's beyond frustrating. Sometimes I will get anxiety about the dumbest things, like going to the gym. My heart will race, my hands will shake, and I will just NOT want to go. For absolutely no reason other than my anxiety!! That is what is so frustrating. Having no control over it.
I wish that anxiety was something tangible so that I could just crush it in my hands. But no. It's a chemical in my brain so I just have to figure out the right medicine to fix it. Aka - I have to have patience. Ugh! I'm not a super patient person so this is a struggle for me. Wish me luck.
On a side note, I have started painting what anxiety and depression feel like. I will try to get picture up the next time I post.
Another side note - thank you all that have read so far. You are completely supportive and positive and it helps so much. You give me courage. I was afraid when I was making this blog that I would be judged but you guys are just great. :)
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
My first list.
Things that make life worth living.
- Blue skies and sunshine
- Kids and the funny things that they say
- A good book
- The beach
- Icecream
- Henna
- Fresh fruit
- (Let's be honest here) Pretty much anything having to do with summer
- Making someone else smile
- Laughing until your stomache hurts
- Freshly ironed clothes
- Lipstick
- Family (by blood and/or by choice)
- Pie (are too many of these about food yet?)
- Tina Fey (she makes me laugh until I cry)
- Kind strangers
- Attractive men (I'd be lying to myself if I didn't add that to the list.)
Well it's kind of a short list so I will at a later time add more. Please comment with things that make YOUR life worth living. :)
Peace and Love.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Scared
So I must admit that I was quite wary to write this blog in the first place. Depression and anxiety have such strong, negative connotations, and I don't want those connotations labeled on me. But that is yet another reason that I am writing this blog - to help break down those prejudices and let people see the truth behind the lies.
It's a chemical imbalance. It's nothing that I have done wrong, it doesn't mean that I am crazy or weird. And I'm not the only one in this battle! You are not alone here. There are millions of people that struggle with these issues all over the world. There is so much help and support out there and I hope that you use those resources.
It's not something that you can just 'get over' or push through. If you had cancer, you wouldn't just try to ignore it and you shouldn't do that with any mental infirmities either. It's an admittedly tough battle, but it really is worth it. That is something that I have realized over the past few weeks during my recovery from hitting the bottom.
One thing that I am going to do is write down things that make life worth living and then I'll put it on the blog. So you can look forward to that. I suggest that you do the same and comment with some of your answers. :)
It's a chemical imbalance. It's nothing that I have done wrong, it doesn't mean that I am crazy or weird. And I'm not the only one in this battle! You are not alone here. There are millions of people that struggle with these issues all over the world. There is so much help and support out there and I hope that you use those resources.
It's not something that you can just 'get over' or push through. If you had cancer, you wouldn't just try to ignore it and you shouldn't do that with any mental infirmities either. It's an admittedly tough battle, but it really is worth it. That is something that I have realized over the past few weeks during my recovery from hitting the bottom.
One thing that I am going to do is write down things that make life worth living and then I'll put it on the blog. So you can look forward to that. I suggest that you do the same and comment with some of your answers. :)
A Beginning
My name is Samara. Something that a lot of people that know me probably don't know, is the fact that I have been suffering with depression and anxiety for about eight years now. (I often feel like there is a cloud around my head, warping the way I see things.) At times the struggle is harder than others, but the struggle tends to always be there.The reason that a lot of people don't know about it is because I am pretty good at wearing a mask. But I am trying to be more honest. (Thus the blog.) Through the eight years I have been on and off of medication. Right now I am on medication and I plan to stay on it for a very long time, possibly my whole life. The reason that I am thinking this is because when I went off of the medication, I was fine for a couple of years. And then out of nowhere I spiraled down quickly to rock bottom. They say that everybody's rock bottom is different. Well mine was pretty terrible. I am a lot more empathetic to people who have crashed down to the cold, hard, unforgiving surface like I have. So far this blog is sounding pretty melancholy, but the reason that I am writing the blog is to show people that it DOES get better. Slowly, slowly, it does get better. Another reason that I am writing a blog is that it is therapeutic to write down your feelings. (Could that be tip for some of you out there?) Hopefully I will have SOME people read this blog. Whether you are suffering from depression or anxiety and you want to realize that you are not alone in the battle, or you just know someone suffering and you want to more fully understand the issues, I am hoping that this blog will be a good thing in all of our lives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)