So I have some good news to share. I have started to feel the medicine start working in me. Some of the cloud has dissipated. I know that the medicine isn't a cure all - heal all, but it gives me hope that it is helping. I'm not sure if the dosage is strong enough... but I need to let it build up in my system a bit more before we change anything.
It's sort of hard to explain exactly how I feel the medicine working. It's sort of hard to explain depression in the first place. So let me start there.
Depression is having no control over feeling sad, unmotivated, and tired. As much as you want to get up and go and do everything that you want to, you just can't. It's like when you first wake up in the morning and you try to make a strong fist, no matter how hard you try you can't do it. As much as you want it, it just won't happen. And it's so frustrating.
So the way I feel the medicine start to working.... It's like when you have the flu. You really don't want to do anything, let alone jump on a trampoline. But then you start to get better and you can do more things, but you still can't jump on a trampoline without your head pounding. That's where I'm at. I'm getting better, but no trampolines for me. Does that make any sense?
On a side note I would just like to say how happy I am that my chemical imbalance isn't one that I want to hurt other people. When I saw the news about what happened in Colorado at the Batman premier, I felt terrible for those people, and then I realized how fortunate I am that I am not facing the same demons that that man is.
Let me know if you have any other questions about depression or anxiety or my personal struggle with it.
Peace and Love
2 comments:
Sami :) I know we don't know each other that well, but hopefully that will change soon. I enjoy reading your blog. Keep on posting stuff please :)
Sam, you are such a brave and inspiration to us all, even those who don't fight depression. I believe most everyone has some degree of depression as we all come from some sort of dysfunction that has given us some cracks in our foundation of life. Mine is very cracked and I fight everyday the voices that speak so loudly to me, telling me I'm not ever good enough, pretty enough, smart enough etc. I love your honesty and that you aren't too proud to admit what so many feel. Keep being that voice and keep reaching out~maybe this is your gift and your mission in life. I love you sweet girl and miss seeing your beautiful face, but at least I get a glimpse of you on here and FB. Hugs to you, Kristin
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